Change of Heart Read online

  Moments later, she heard footsteps and turned quickly.

  “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Nathaniel walked up the path to join her.

  Val was nearly ready to tear out her hair. She pushed away her anxiety, however, when she saw the expression on his face.

  “The job’s mine if I want it.” He leaned toward her.

  His smile was excited. And nervous. Val shifted away, avoiding his embrace. “I knew you could do it. They’ll be lucky to have you.” She looked around at the people, wondering if any were watching them.

  Nathaniel cocked his head to the side, studying her face. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

  “I’m great. I’m so proud of you, and…I think we should leave.”

  Nathaniel straightened. “Leave?”

  “It’s getting late, and you don’t want to be away from the kids too long, and—”

  “Val, what’s wrong?” He touched her shoulder.

  “I’m just feeling tired. It’s been a long day. I still need to get groceries tomorrow—”

  He took her arm. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I just want to leave.” Val’s desperation made her voice sharper than she’d intended. But maybe that way he wouldn’t question her anymore.

  Nathaniel flinched and released his hold. “All right.”

  “We did it, right?” she said.

  He squinted. “Did we?”

  “You got your dream job, and Paris looks like a sure thing. We both got what we wanted.” The words tasted bitter in her mouth.

  “I guess we did.”

  The air between them thickened as they walked back through the house and retrieved the car. Val tried to think of something to say, but anything that came to mind was either flippant and inconsequential or too painful for their last moments. Because that’s what this was. Their last time together.

  Earlier, she’d thought maybe this night was a beginning for them. She was no longer his nanny but a woman living in his town, someone he might want to…But a relationship just couldn’t be. They couldn’t be. Tonight wasn’t a beginning, but the ending. Val took in a jerky breath, determined not to cry in front of him again. Not after he’d made this night so wonderful. She wouldn’t have his last memory of their time together ruined by her tears.

  When they arrived at her apartment, she smiled, but she couldn’t manage to push out the torrent of words blocked at the back of her throat. She wanted to tell him she loved him, that she needed him, that she’d do anything to be with him if they could find a way.

  They walked silently to her door, and Val unlocked it, pushing it ajar before turning, intending to think of something cheerful to say, but she couldn’t.

  Gaze locked on hers, he took her hand and then the other, pulling her closer and then cradled her cheeks in his palms.

  Val squeezed her eyes shut to force back the tears that surged forward.

  Nathaniel lowered his mouth to hers, but this kiss wasn’t like the others. The kiss wasn’t a tentative first kiss or an urgent hungry kiss. He kissed her slowly, sadly. A final kiss, full of sorrow and longing.

  He pulled away, and Val felt like something was ripped from her. She drew in a breath as she opened her eyes and met his gaze. Her pulse raced.

  “Good bye Val.” He released her face and stepped back.

  She wrapped her arms around her stomach, hoping to keep the ache contained and stumbled into her apartment, closing the door and leaning against it. She slid down, putting her head on her knees, and sobbed as her heart shattered into small bits.

  Chapter Ten

  As he rode in the town car, Nathaniel checked his email. He glanced up at the Boston Garden, then back down as he scrolled through tomorrow’s schedule and then, out of habit, returned the phone to his pocket before the lock screen appeared. He’d been jarred enough times by the picture of his family and Val at the lighthouse that he’d made it a habit to look away before the image came up. He couldn’t quite make himself change it.

  The interim seemed like another lifetime since he’d returned from Maine, even though only six weeks had passed. Seeing the picture and remembering the time spent with his family and Val produced an emptiness he was completely unable to deal with. Things would slow at the State Attorney General’s office around the holidays, and then he’d make it up to his kids. And as for Val. He didn’t even let himself think about her anymore. Not when just seeing her picture on his phone made his chest ache.

  He looked up and realized the car had stopped at his destination. He’d had no idea his new job would require him to attend so many receptions and fundraisers. He tried to think of the last evening he’d spent at home and then pushed away the twist of guilt at the memory of Ruby’s words. You’re not a daddy in Boston. Besides, he couldn’t miss this event. Even though he’d technically been working at the Attorney General’s office for a few weeks, tonight, he’d be officially introduced by Myron as the newest member of his staff.

  After exiting the car, he crossed the sidewalk then rode the elevator to the ballroom on the top floor. He brushed a hand over the lapels of his tuxedo and lifted a glass of champagne from a tray offered by a server. He scanned the room and a wave of nervousness rolled over his skin as he saw Myron standing near the large windows.

  The State Attorney leaned his head forward and raised his glass in a silent salute, then returned to his conversation.

  Nathaniel returned the gesture. He had been so anxious about tonight that only then had he realized Myron was speaking to Marielle and Lawrence. His tension ratcheted up a notch. Hearing his name, he turned to see Jason Krauss approaching.

  “Patriots might have a pretty good year if the preseason is any indicator.” Jason spoke with a smile.

  Nathaniel shook his friend’s hand, grateful to find someone he felt comfortable with. “Only if they get some players off the injured reserve.”

  Jason scanned the crowd. His gaze looked toward Myron and back to Nathaniel. “I hear rumors that congratulations are in order.”

  “They won’t be rumors after tonight.”

  Myron met Nathaniel’s gaze and jerked back his head, gesturing him over.

  He nodded and clapped Jason on the shoulder. “Looks like I’m up. Excuse me.”

  “Good luck in the big leagues.” Jason said. “Oh, and if you talk to Val, tell her we’re sorry about her dad.”

  Hearing Val’s name, Nathaniel stopped, his body still. “Val’s dad? What do you mean?”

  “I thought you knew. Val’s dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. She got a call at work and left for West Virginia right away.”

  Nathaniel’s mouth went dry. “When was this?”

  “Maybe a month ago. Lisa sure misses her.”

  Nathaniel left Jason and crossed the room, nodding and greeting people as he passed, but his mind was still on Val. He thought back to a conversation he’d had with Seth a few weeks earlier. His friend had acted strange, asking if he’d heard from Val and telling Nathaniel he should really check on her. Nathaniel had just chalked the suggestion up to Seth being nosy. He hadn’t seen or heard from Val since the day of the garden party, and he’d thought making a clean break would be easier for both of them.

  But by doing so, he hadn’t been available for her when she needed him. What had happened? Was her father still alive? Had she moved to West Virginia permanently? What about Paris?

  Norah Sutherland laid a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Nathaniel, this is such a big night. I’m so happy for you.”

  He thanked her and moved away. Seeing her brought back memories of the garden party, something he hadn’t allowed himself to think of at all. An image tickled in his mind. Val had seemed strange after he’d returned from talking to Myron that evening. She’d acted distracted and anxious to leave. He’d even asked if someone had said something. He’d wondered if she was disappointed with him for considering the job when it would mean so much time away from his family, but that didn’t
seem like Val at all. She supported him in anything.

  Nathaniel reached Myron and shook his hand.

  Myron picked up a spoon and tapped it against his goblet, quieting the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention. I know this announcement will come as no surprise to most of you, but I would like to present the newest member of my staff, a man whose extraordinary career I have followed for years. He will be a valuable addition to the State Attorney General’s office as an advocate for the District of Massachusetts.” Myron put his arm around Nathaniel’s shoulders. “Please give your support to Nathaniel Cavanaugh.”

  The sound of polite applause filled the room. Many of those gathered raised their glasses and nodded their heads.

  Nathaniel looked at the crowd. The elite of Boston. He’d moved in the same circles with these people his entire life, and he should feel some sort of closeness. He saw Marielle and Lawrence beaming and felt like a child who had done exactly what his teacher had asked. Though he knew their names, most of the people in the ballroom were strangers. The three people he cared about the most weren’t even present to share the biggest moment of his career.

  He pasted on a smile, thanking those that approached him to offer congratulations, but instead of feeling the measure of his accomplishment, he felt empty inside.

  Marielle slid her hand into the crook of his elbow. “Oh, Nathaniel. Clara would have been so proud tonight.”

  He looked down at her face—so like her daughter’s. “You’re right. She would have.”

  “Congratulations.” Lawrence patted Nathaniel’s other arm.

  Marielle gave him a small tug, reclaiming his attention. “And when I think of where you could go from here. This is just the start of everything. If you make the right connections, no doubt you’ll shoot straight to the top.” She wagged her bony finger at him. “You mark my words. I’m just so thankful you saw the light and cut that low-brow person from your life before she could ruin all of this.”

  “Marielle…” Lawrence cleared his throat

  “What do you mean?” Nathaniel’s chest clenched.

  “Nothing. She’s just happy for you.” Lawrence put his arm around her shoulders, turning her away.

  Heart pounding, he leaned close. “Marielle, are you talking about Val?”

  Frowning, she turned her head. “Well, really, Nathaniel. Can you imagine her at something like this with her ‘y’alls’ and short skirts? What would people think? We worked so hard to get you here, and she would have destroyed it.”

  “You said something to her, didn’t you?” He spoke through gritted teeth as blood surged through his body. “At the Sutherland’s garden party.”

  Marielle turned fully then crossed her arms and lowered her eyelids. “She needed to know what the stakes were. That it was your career on the line. And the way you were acting—like the poor lonely widower—you weren’t in any condition to see things clearly. Not with all that cleavage right in front of you.”

  “Marielle!” Lawrence dropped open his mouth, and he glanced around.

  A burning sensation attacked Nathaniel’s gut. “You’ve overstepped, Marielle. My life and my relationships are not your business.”

  She pulled back her chin and barked a laugh. Any trace of politeness left her expression. “Relationship? Don’t kid yourself. After all the work Clara did…all of us did to get you here, I couldn’t let your hormones—”

  Nathaniel spun before he could hear the rest of her sentence. He slammed down the champagne glass on a table, sloshing liquid over his hand, and ignoring people who tried to stop him along the way as he left the ballroom. He texted the driver and paced back and forth on the sidewalk while he waited.

  So many thoughts fought for space in his head, focusing on only one took all his will. Marielle’s words stunned him. He resented her implications Clara was the reason he’d been appointed to his job, but that wasn’t the thing that bothered him the most. Her inferences about Val made him so angry his jaw hurt from clenching his teeth.

  He was sick when he remembered how Val had acted that night and realized she wanted to leave, not to get away from him, but because of what Marielle had said. Val was worried about his reputation, worried that she would somehow ruin his career. If only she had told him. He would have…He would have what?

  In the car, he dialed Seth’s number.

  Seth answered on the first ring. “You miss me, don’t you?”

  Nathaniel wasn’t in the mood for Seth’s cheerfulness. “You knew about Val’s father.”

  “Yeah, I knew. She called about a month ago to ask about cancer treatment options.”

  He tore loose his tie. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I promised Val I wouldn’t. She said you’d just try to help and she didn’t want to take you away from work, something about ruining your political career. She didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I agreed, though, not because I wanted to, but Val doesn’t exactly take no for an answer.”

  He’d been right. Nathaniel clenched his teeth again as anger against his mother-in-law threatened to cloud his thoughts. “And her father?”

  “He’s doing better. They opted for surgery, and the surgeons think they got all the cancer. Val’s down there taking care of him.”

  Of course she was. Of course she gave up her dream to take care of someone. That was Val. He didn’t know what kind of insurance coal miners had, but he could bet Val paid for the medical bills with the money she’d saved for France.

  He hung up and punched in Val’s number, but she didn’t answer. He knew she wouldn’t.

  ****

  That night, Nathaniel stood in Ruby’s doorway watching her sleep. His gaze traveled around the room and stopped on her little table and tea set. He felt his stomach plummet. Hadn’t he promised to have a tea party this weekend? Or was it last weekend? He stepped closer and, in the dim light, saw place tags for her dolls, written in her little-girl handwriting. He picked up one that said, “Daddy.” His vision blurred.

  A memory surfaced and, instead of pushing it away as was his first instinct, he allowed all of the feelings it dredged up to wash over him. He was sixteen and had just pitched a no-hitter at his high school baseball game. The crowd cheered and chanted his name, and his teammates swarmed the mound, lifting him onto their shoulders. He looked around the crowd for the one person he’d asked to come—his dad. But he wasn’t there. Bitter tears had prickled Nathaniel’s teenage eyes, washing away the elation he’d felt a moment earlier.

  His dad had told him later he’d had a late meeting he couldn’t get out of.

  Nathaniel had said he understood. And that night he’d promised himself he’d never do that to his kids. He’d always be present at events that were important to them. A wave of shame filled him, knowing he hadn’t kept that promise to the sixteen-year-old boy on the pitcher’s mound.

  He thought of Val. How quickly she had left everything she’d worked for to return home and care for her dad. She’d given up her goal for what mattered most.

  He looked back to the mass of dark hair on the pillow. He would give his children anything. They lived in an exclusive neighborhood, attended the best schools, owned every toy and gadget a child could ever want. But he hadn’t given them the thing they wanted most. And it was the very thing he had longed for at their age.

  How had he forgotten to give them a family?

  ****

  The next morning, Nathaniel pushed back his shoulders as he stood outside the heavy wooden door of the Attorney General’s office. He knocked and hearing an acknowledgement inside, he entered.

  Myron grinned when he saw Nathaniel. “Glad to see you here so early.” He spread his hand toward a chair in front of the desk.

  Nathaniel shook his head. For just an instant, he felt a pang in his chest, but he had made up his mind and pressed on. He clasped his hands behind his back. “Sir, I apologize. I’m not able accept this position.”

  An hour later, Nathaniel left the
courthouse. Once he got to his car, he again called Val, but she didn’t answer. So, he placed a call to his assistant—even though she was no longer technically his assistant.

  “Mr. Cavanaugh, the earliest flight to Charleston leaves later this afternoon with an overnight layover in Washington. The other flights I found would take just as long.”

  Nathaniel gritted his teeth. He might as well drive.

  “But I did find a flight to Pittsburgh that takes off in an hour and a half. Then you’d just have a few hours’ drive…”

  “Book it.” He steered his car in the other direction. “And a rental car too.” He hung up and called his nanny to tell her his change of plans.

  ****

  Nearly eight hours later, his GPS told him he was in Millford Creek. Nathaniel realized he had no idea how to find Val’s house. He didn’t have an address and when he’d searched a local directory on his phone, he couldn’t find her or her family. He’d heard her talk about her trailer, and living in the holler, but he wasn’t even sure what that meant.

  He drove over the narrow road snaking through the forest and passed a sign that said, “Welcome to Millford Creek.” Finally, he saw houses between the trees and, after rounding a bend, arrived in the town. The street widened. He crossed railroad tracks and drove past a gas station, a pharmacy, and a building with a bell tower he assumed was the town hall. He decided that was the place to inquire about finding the McKinley’s house.

  He tried the door, but it was locked. A glance at his watch told him the time was nearly six-thirty. Would he need to locate a hotel and return in the morning? The idea didn’t thrill him, and he felt a sense of urgency now that he was here. He needed to find Val.

  Across the street, a group of men sat on chairs in front of the drugstore. Only one of them wore a shirt, and all had unkempt beards.

  Nathaniel approached them with measured steps. “Good evening, I hoped you gentlemen could help me. Do any of you know where I might find the McKinley home?”